Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad.  Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

*** 

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.  As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.  They hear a faint moan.  They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies.  They have another funeral for her.  At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.  As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall"!

Howard

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.  The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.  "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.  Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no." "or, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" 

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "or, that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "so, if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"

I am writing this column as chair of the canvass committee to ask for your help.  We have had a very good and productive year at UUCVH.  And I believe the year ahead will prove to be an exciting time at our Church.  I also know this Church holds a special place in your heart as it does for me.

Our problem is that pledges for the support of our Church in recent years have been on the decline.  I think there are many reasons for this trend, but finding the reasons will not solve the problem.  With that realization, the Board has set a goal to increase pledges by 15% this coming year to start us back in the right direction.

So I am asking everyone who is able to increase his or her pledge a minimum of 15% this coming year.  If you have not given money to the Church before, I would ask you to make this the year you start.

Howard

"I would not be writing this letter if I had been wounded fighting in Afghanistan against those forces that carried out the attacks of 9/11. Had I been wounded there I would still be miserable because of my physical deterioration and imminent death, but I would at least have the comfort of knowing that my injuries were a consequence of my own decision to defend the country I love. I would not have to lie in my bed, my body filled with painkillers, my life ebbing away, and deal with the fact that hundreds of thousands of human beings, including children, including myself, were sacrificed by you for little more than the greed of oil companies, for your alliance with the oil sheiks in Saudi Arabia, and your insane visions of empire...

"I did not join the Army to “liberate” Iraqis or to shut down mythical weapons-of-mass-destruction facilities or to implant what you cynically called “democracy” in Baghdad and the Middle East. I did not join the Army to rebuild Iraq, which at the time you told us could be paid for by Iraq’s oil revenues. Instead, this war has cost the United States over $3 trillion. I especially did not join the Army to carry out pre-emptive war. Pre-emptive war is illegal under international law. And as a soldier in Iraq I was, I now know, abetting your idiocy and your crimes.

"The Iraq War is the largest strategic blunder in U.S. history. It obliterated the balance of power in the Middle East. It installed a corrupt and brutal pro-Iranian government in Baghdad, one cemented in power through the use of torture, death squads and terror. And it has left Iran as the dominant force in the region. On every level—moral, strategic, military and economic—Iraq was a failure. And it was you, Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney, who started this war. It is you who should pay the consequences...

"My day of reckoning is upon me. Yours will come. I hope you will be put on trial. But mostly I hope, for your sakes, that you find the moral courage to face what you have done to me and to many, many others who deserved to live. I hope that before your time on earth ends, as mine is now ending, you will find the strength of character to stand before the American public and the world, and in particular the Iraqi people, and beg for forgiveness."

Excerpted from Tomas Young's "The Last Letter; A Message From a Dying Veteran"

(Body of War, 2007 documentary)

• "Nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• "You can do anything if you have enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes rise to the stars. With it there is accomplishment. Without it there are only alibis." - Henry Ford
• "A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go further than a great idea that inspires no one." - Mary Kay Ash
• "Enthusiasm is the leaping lighting, not to be measured by the horse-power of the understanding." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• "A man who lacks enthusiasm never develops it in another. But a person who is enthusiastic soon has enthusiastic followers." - David Schwartz

"Enthusiasm and success go hand in hand, but enthusiasm comes first. Enthusiasm inspires confidence, raises morale, builds loyalty and is priceless. Enthusiasm is contagious. You can feel enthusiasm by the way a person talks, walks or shakes hands. Enthusiasm is a habit that one can acquire and practice.

Many decades ago, Charles Schwab, who was earning a salary of a million dollars a year, was asked if he was being paid such a high salary because of his exceptional ability to produce steel. Charles Schwab replied, "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement."

Live while you are alive. Don't die before you are dead.

Enthusiasm and desire are what change mediocrity to excellence.

Water turns into steam with a difference of only one degree in temperature and steam can move some of the biggest engines in the world.

That is what enthusiasm helps us to do in our lives." - Posted by Ashutosh Prajapati

BE ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT YOUR FAITH AND CHURCH!!!

Howard

At the end of one year and the start of another, many of us will renew our commitment to living with daily affirmations.  I know the power of affirming my truth, over and over, everyday!  While these may not suit everyone's taste, here are some "possible" affirmations to consider!

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. 
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 
4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. 
5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.
6. I need not suffer in silence while I can moan, whimper, and complain.
7. I am one with my duality.
8. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.
9. I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there’s no sweeter words than "I told you so." 
10. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
11. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future.
12. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes.  That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

Howard

A Politically Correct Christmas Greeting

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all;

Additionally,

A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.

(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

This is the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas Tree:

One Christmas things weren't going too well for Santa up there at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus was sick, the elves were on strike and the reindeer all were sick. Santa was totally frazzled. In the midst of all this an angel came in with the tree and asked Santa, "Where would you like me to put the Christmas Tree?"

Howard Richman

Richard Mourdock - Republican senate candidate Indiana

"I just struggled with it myself for a long time but I came to realize: Life is that gift from God that I think even if life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen."

*** 

Todd Akin - Republican senate candidate Missouri

"If it's legitimate rape, the female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down."

*** 

Clayton Williams - 1990 Republican governor candidate

"If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it."

*** 

Chuck Winder - 2012 Republican lawmaker Idaho

"I would hope that when a women goes in to a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it caused by a rape.  I assume that's part of the counseling that goes on."

*** 

Ken Buck - 2010 Republican senate candidate Colorado

"A jury could very well conclude that this is a case of buyer's remorse... it appears to me... you invited him over... the appearance is of consent."

*** 

UUA Reproductive Justice: Issue

Reproductive rights and health services are seriously under attack nationally.  Reproductive Justice represents a broader analysis of racial, economic, cultural, and structural constraints on women's power.  The right to have children, to not have children and to parent children in safe and healthy environments is a human right.

Howard Richman

A man was delivering penguins to the zoo when his van broke down on the highway.   A fellow stopped to see if he could be of assistance.  "Oh I'm in some real trouble here" said the first man.  "I've got to take these penguins to the zoo today, and now I'm not sure I'll get there."

The helpful fellow volunteered to put the penguins in the back of his car and take them to the zoo.   The man with car trouble gratefully accepted this offer and promised to get to the zoo as soon as possible.

A little later, the man was on the road again and went immediately to the zoo. He looked everywhere but did not see the helpful fellow or any of the penguins.   In a panic he drove back into town.

Just as he was wondering what in the world to do next, he saw the "volunteer" walking across the street with the penguins waddling along behind him.

He ran up and said, "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to take the penguins to the zoo!"

And the volunteer replied, "I did and we had such a good time there, we decided to come into town for ice cream."

***

A teenager brought home her new boyfriend to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance:  leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and a pierced nose.  

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and said "He doesn't seem very nice."

"Mom" replied the daughter, "if he wasn't so nice, why would he be doing 5000 hours of community service?"

***

Top Ten Failed Slogans for Volunteer Programs

1. You said that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Well, it's starting to get tough, so we're going.
2. Volunteers are good... for nothing
3. Community service... It's not just for hardened criminals on parole, anymore.
4. Volunteer... What else are you going to do with a liberal arts degree.
5. Volunteerism... the other white meat.
6. The golden rule still applies, unless you're a sado-masochist.
7. Serve... volunteers do it for free.
8. Volunteer, cause you'd like your resume to be at least a page.
9. Altruism is not a disease.
10. Please help us by submitting your slogan proposal. The winner gets a free cup of coffee.

THE BOARD NEEDS ONE MORE TRUSTEE, WE NEED A VOLUNTEER!!!!!

Howard Richman

I thought I would write about the four topics to be voted on September 9, 2012.

Same Sex Marriage

As of June 7, 2012, same sex marriage has been legalized in eight US states (MA, CT, IA, VT, NH, NY, WA, and MD) and the District of Columbia.  Thirty one states have constitutional amendments banning gay marriage. Proponents argue that same-sex couples should have access to the same marriage benefits and public acknowledgment enjoyed by heterosexual couples and that prohibiting gay marriage is unconstitutional discrimination.

Immigration Rights

Around 11 million undocumented immigrants are living and working within U.S. borders without a path to citizenship.  Our focus on enforcement-only policies has not reduced that number, but has led to the tearing apart of families, human rights abuses and even death.  Families wait years, sometimes decades, to be reunited due to tremendous visa backlogs.  Flawed guest worker programs leave migrant laborers vulnerable to exploitation.  Human rights are violated by unjust raids and detention.  Thousands have died due to militarization of the border.  Ultimately, federal legislation is necessary to fix this broken system.

Water Rights

Water is of paramount importance for sustaining life, development and the environment.  The availability of water is the key determinant of economic growth and social prosperity.  However, water is a finite resource and its use for one purpose reduces its availability for other purposes.  Competing water needs trigger conflicts between disparate water users such as rich and poor, or between different sectors and regions, such as domestic and agriculture, agriculture and industry, agriculture and fisheries, upstream and downstream, and rural and urban areas.  Increased demand for water stemming from population and economic growth has posed significant challenges among competing demands.

Reproductive Rights

Within the framework of reproductive justice, the UUA works against the cultural, political, economic, and structural constraints that limit women's access to health care and full reproductive choice.  Reproductive justice, a concept put forth by coalitions of women of color, promotes the right of all women to have children, not to have children, and to raise their children in safe and healthy environments.  Promote: reproductive choice, eradication of violence against women, and comprehensive sex education.

Howard Richman

President's Perspective, Howard Richman

The new board met for the first time Wednesday 7/18. I am happy to report that there was no bloodshed at the meeting. The meeting was very productive and should pave the way for a successful year for the board and the Church. I must report that the piano is terminally ill and will have to be replaced in the near future. There will be a planning retreat Saturday morning 7/21 to set goals and plan the year for the Church.

I was thinking of putting a LARGE picture of myself in this column. I was thinking that if there was a large picture, I wouldn't have to write as much and you wouldn't have to read as much. I then realized that I have to write this column, but you do not have to read it.

“If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, sweep streets like Beethoven composed music, sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say: Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

I want to thank Ann one more time for her tireless work as President the past two years!!!

I saw some bumper stickers for retired people I will share:

THE ONLY TROUBLE WITH RETIREMENT...you never get a damn day off

YOUNG AT HEART...slightly older in other places

IN DOG YEARS...I'm Dead!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR HEALTH...IT'LL GO AWAY

Howard